Barely Lethal (2015)

“She better bring fire! She better bring thunder! She better bring hell!... Just tell her to bring it before 10:30, I've got a curfew.”

            Most girls, when they are little, dream of being princesses and finding their prince charming. As teenagers, they dream of going to prom in pretty dresses with the most handsome guy in their class and having a great time just like the movies. I was not that kind of girl. I never have been. When I was little I dreamed of playing basketball for the WNBA. When I was a teenager I was hardcore into the TV show Alias and, without actually wanting to be in the real CIA or espionage game, dreamed of what it would be like to be a romanticized version of a spy like Sydney Bristow where I would snag myself a hot man like Michael Vaughn and be super brilliant. At twenty-seven and just above slightly more mature than I was at seventeen when Alias went off the air, I have that romanticized spy fantasy running through my head when I get bored. Oh Alias and Sydney Bristow and SD-6, my life has never been the same for over thirteen years.

            Since my hardcore Alias watching days I have loved any kind of show or movie that deals with espionage (at the time of this writing I have yet to see all the Bond movies. Relax, I have seen a few of them though). I love all the bad ass kick assing spies in movies and shows do and I love how brilliant they are made to be. So it should be no shock that I have watched the movie Barely Lethal which is about a girl who is a spy, even if it is a movie geared toward a young adult audience. Remember what I said in the last paragraph, I am just slightly more mature than I was at seventeen in many ways. Plus Hailee Steinfeld plays the main character and I am working out my girl crush feelings for her at the moment.

            Number 83 (Steinfeld) has attended Prescott School since she was a little girl. From her name alone it should be known that Prescott is no ordinary school. This school is run by a man named Hardman (Samuel L. Jackson) and he trains girls to become no nonsense assassins. Number 83 begins to questions her life and wonders what more there is to see and experience. While on missions she watches all the teen movies she can get her hands on and is even caught reading a teen magazine during a meeting.

            During a mission Number 83 is shot down into a lake. She is not hurt and comes out a little shaken up. Hardman calls for her on the coms but she does not answer. She sees this as an opportunity to disappear into a life of being a normal teen. Eighty-three takes the step to being a normal teenager by answering an ad for an exchange student. She creates the name Megan Walsh for herself and moves in with Mrs. Larson and her daughter Liz who is Megan’s age and her young son Parker who believes he is a real life ninja. Liz is not too happy about having Megan around because, one, Megan is a little weird, and two, Liz is totally jealous.

            At school Megan is introduced at an assembly and everyone makes fun of her right away. It only stops when the hot, brooding guy Cash gets up on stage with his band and performs a song. Not taking the hint that the “popular girls” are pulling a typical high school move on her they tell Megan to try out for the mascot. She does, she is the only one who tries out, and gets the gig. While at practice out on the field in front of the whole school someone comes up behind Megan and tries to grab her. She has been noticing a van circling the school and thinking it was someone from Prescott or someone she pissed off Megan attacks the kid full force. The kid is from the other school and is pulling the prank of stealing the school mascot. Someone unfortunately gets the whole incident on video and plugs it straight to YouTube which leads to Hardman finding her.

            A load of other crap goes down and Megan, with her special ninja skills along with her new friends and family, saves the day.

            Seriously I am not in the mood to go into anymore of this story and, if I am being completely honest, I got a little bored with it and zoned out. I know I definitely zoned out because the story started to turn into a typical teen movie with girls getting jealous over guys and guys taking shit the wrong way because they do not know how to handle girls and are pussies.

            Hailee Steinfeld is adorable. If I was a teenager I would most likely be one of her biggest fans. After this movie she would have been my absolute idol ha ha. Sophie Turner from Game of Thrones is in this. She is a character that I did not mention because I did not catch all of her lame story. I know her character Number 84 considers Number 83 her rival and brings that rivalry into Megan’s new world. Turner was pretty bad ass and awesome as a spy. I give her a lot of props. Jessica Alba also played a character I did not mention because again her story was lame. The character and her story made somewhat sense to the part of the plot I left out. I feel bad Samuel L. Jackson was in this movie. He played a much watered down version of Nick Fury.

            If Barely Lethal came out when I was a teenager when I was super into Alias and all that spy shit I would have lost my goddamn mind. It would have become one of my favorite movies ever. But I have watched Barely Lethal as a twenty-seven year old who has not watch an episode of Alias in maybe a few months (or maybe a year… I am at the point in my life where all the days and weeks and months just kind of blur together now) and have realized maybe my brain has matured a little. Barely Lethal is a cool movie. It is one of those movies that I really did not mind sitting through but once was enough.