The Giant Mechanical Man (2012)

“I think you're just... great. Because you know what's so great about you? You're real. You don't pretend like you've got it all figured out, like everyone else walking around life. You're real. You're genuine, and you notice things, too. You pay attention.”

            Have you ever felt like you have no idea what you want to do with your life? If you have not then you are a lying bastard and not human. I always knew I wanted to study Art History and work in a museum. I had a path and I was on it for a while. Then shit happened and I questioned why. Too many people were trying to “help” me. I felt lost and confused and unmotivated. For a long time I did not have any close friends left around me. I was lonely and felt totally helpless. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life I felt like I had no real sense of purpose. I was working demeaning part time jobs that definitely did not help my morale at all. I got back on the horse with school but then awful shit happened with that and I was once again questioning everything. But eventually things changed. I met one of my best friends and then became best friends her best friend. I felt like I belonged I found my people. Then school started to work out and my life started to work out.

            Life takes time. It throws terrible shit our way making us work to get out of that rut. Sometimes all it takes is people to get us out of that rut or sometimes it takes a job or school. As Florence Welch sings in her song “Shake It Out” “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” And it truly is.

            Another thing that helped to lift me out of my rut was movies. Obviously I love movies. There is a movie for every mood and every situation in your life. We have those movie characters (and even TV characters) that we can relate to. There are several movie characters and stories I can relate to because I have felt the feelings they convey. One movie that I have only recently watched that I can relate to on every level is The Giant Mechanical Man.

            Janice (Jenna Fischer) works for a temp agency. Her life is up in the air. She has no aim, no goals, no purpose. She goes from one job to the other. When Janice returns to the temp agency office the boss tells her she is fired because she is not very personable. Two things making matters worse in her life are her rent being overdue and her younger sister Jill (Malin Akerman) trying to hook her up with this self-absorbed author named Doug (Topher Grace).

            Tim (Chris Messina) is a street performer. He works as the Giant Mechanical Man in parks, near the train station, and in front of buildings. He likes his job and sees it as an art. Unfortunately his girlfriend does not see his job as an art or being anything useful. She leaves him and her brother, who Tim is friends with, tells Tim that he needs to work like everyone else even if does not like it. One day Tim is approached by a TV news reporter who does interviews with normal everyday people on the street. He thinks Tim could be interesting. In the interview Tim mentions something about going through life. One viewer who is watching Tim and takes he says to heart is Janice.

            Janice gets evicted from her apartment. Because her cell phone got turned off she calls Jill from a payphone asking to move in with her for a while. When the call is over Janice sees Tim as the Giant Mechanical Man in front of a building. She goes up to him and tells him about how she liked what he said in the interview.

            Both Tim and Janice look in the newspaper for job listings. They each come across a listing for the local zoo. Tim is placed in maintenance. The day Janice goes down to the zoo she sees Tim cleaning out coins from an empty water fountain. She asks him where the office is she is supposed to go to. He tells her and then he recognizes her. Over time Tim and Janice become close. They enjoy each other’s company and they can see in each other is a caring understanding friend. Tim takes Janice out to a friend’s birthday party where they both have a great time together. After some dinner they head back to his place.

            Jill relentlessly pushes Janice into going out with Doug. One night Janice goes out with her sister, brother-in-law, and Dough to a restaurant. After dinner Janice walks out with Doug. He has his arm around her and he kisses her cheek. She does not look comfortable with it but she does not push Doug away. Standing on the sidewalk is the Giant Mechanical Man. Tim becomes very upset. He does not show up for work the next day and does not show up for his double date with Janice and her sister at a movie theater. Jill sneaks out during the movie and calls Doug. When the movie is over and Janice sees Doug she flips out at her sister. Janice tells Jill that she does not someone telling her what to do or trying to help she needs someone to be there for her and for Jill to just be her younger sister.

            Janice does not want to go home with Jill so she takes the train home. At the station she sees the Giant Mechanical Man. Janice tells him that she met someone at the zoo she works at and she really likes him. Tim breaks his character, looks down at her, takes his hat off, and gives Janice his hand.

            I absolutely loved Jenna Fischer in this movie. She was so perfect as Janice. What I like about Fischer in her roles, be them in movies or as Pam Beasley on The Office, she always plays real women and you believe her playing the characters because she looks like a woman you would know is real life. Fischer is not drop dead gorgeous and that to me makes her believable especially in this role. Chris Messina is the same way. He is not a very good looking guy and that made me believe his character even more. I do not know if any of what I just rambled on about makes any sense. Put it this way, I could not see Malin Akerman in the role of Janice because I could never believe someone with her looks and the way she carries herself as an actress on screen could be a Plain Jane. Does that make a little more sense? What I said about Fischer and Messina’s looks is not meant to be taken cruelly or meanly. I just loved the characters of Tim and Janice. They are beautiful people lost in a world that does not understand them and does not want to take the time to.

            The Giant Mechanical Man is one of the best movies I have seen in a long time. I loved how these two misunderstood and lost people with no purpose or happiness in life met each other and helped each other find purpose and happiness. I feel The Giant Mechanical Man is a great movie for people like me who once felt there was no purpose in their lives and had no idea what to. If you ever feel like shit and that life is just kicking you down, put on The Giant Mechanical Man for inspiration and hope. 

The Romantics (2010)

The only reason I sat through The Romantics was because of Josh Duhamel, Anna Paquin, Malin Akerman, and mostly for Dianna Agron. Honestly, I just saw a screen cap from a website that had Dianna Agron and Anna Paquin then when I looked the movie up I found Josh Duhamel and Malin Akerman were in it so I found it just out of curiosity.

            Dull and nonsensical do not even begin to describe the movie. A group ten friends gather for the wedding of Tom (Duhamel) and Lila (Paquin). Laura (Katie Holmes) was asked to be the maid of honor. The only problem with that is Laura and Tom had dated for four solid years in college and then for one year when they decided to give their relationship another try. They saw each other off and on and slept together in the mean time. Lila has no idea how long Tom and Laura’s relationship lasted and how neither one of them is over it except their friends. They all go to Lila’s family’s home in some rich area of the eastern seaboard.

            The friends all get drunk and spend the night not with their significant other. Laura and Tom have it out and then sleep together outside. The next morning Laura lets Lila have it about Tom. For years Laura has been letting Lila take things from her and the final straw was when she took Tom.

            Load of crap this movie was. The cast was really good except for Katie Holmes who I am not fond of as an actress. Malin Akerman is the life of the movie her character is very carefree and outspoken. John Duhamel was an emotional sad mess which was weird to see because he normally plays good characters with a goofy side. Anna Paquin’s character was a total bitch and really spoiled, she was not terrible but not really good. Dianna Agron was in the movie in total for about five minutes and she barely has any lines she is just Lila’s younger sister who happens to rip the wedding dress. Elijah Wood is Lila’s drunk brother Chip and he is not even in the movie very much to even comment on him.

            The Romantics had potential with its cast but it just bombed. It was so dull and the story had no detail. What made the movie bomb even more was that there was no chemistry between Josh Duhamel and Katie Holmes or him and Anna Paquin and this made their romances so unbelievable. Malin Akerman and the rest of the group had great chemistry. To me The Romantics is a hipster movie that tries too hard to me a real life modern love story and it fails miserably.

 

Rock of Ages (2012)

“This place is about to become a sea of sweat, ear-shattering music and puke.” 

            I am not sure how I feel about Rock of Ages. It was not bad but it was not like “wow that was awesome!”. I was not attracted to the all star cast or all the glittering sets and pictures I just wanted to hear the music and how everyone sounded on the songs. I was not disappointed with pretty much all the songs they were sung very well.

            The story is neither new nor creative. Sherrie (Julianne Hough) comes to Los Angeles in 1987 to try to become a singer from her small town in Oklahoma. Ho, hum bored with the plot already I know I was too. Sherrie gets mugged and a nice sweet boy named Drew (Diego Boneta) helps her. He works across the street at a famous bar called the Bourbon Room. A waitress has walked out and they are in need of a new one (oh movie luck). Drew begs his boss Dennis (Alec Baldwin) to hire Sherrie and, oh hey, she gets the job, big shock there.

            Everyone who works in the bar worships the singer Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise). He is a rock god with some of the biggest hits of the decade with his band Arsenal. Dennis is lucky enough to have Arsenal play their last gig at his place before Stacee goes solo. Meanwhile the new mayor of Los Angeles (Brian Cranston) wants to rid the strip of all the vice that lurks on the streets and get rid of the Bourbon Room and all with the help of his supposed bible banging wife Patricia (Catherine Zeta-Jones).

            So yeah it is the story of an aging rocker with some issues, a woman fighting against rock n’ roll when she was once its biggest groupies, the main guy and girl having a fall out because he thinks she screwed the rock star when she did not, an old rock club that might be shut down, and an oily manager who wants the money and does not care about music as art. Pretty much summed the movie up right here.

            Now I am going to get to what I really want to write about: the performances both acting and singing. Julianne Hough and Diego Boneta were alright. Hough’s singing voice was too high for me and I felt she ruined some of the songs she sang on. Boneta is handsome (I feel weird saying this since he is three years younger than me... whatever I would totally be a cougar with guy!) with a great singing voice but by the end of the movie he got on my nerves. Catherine Zeta-Jones and Mary J. Blige’s characters were completely pointless. THE BEST performances come from Tom Cruise, Malin Akerman, Alec Baldwin, and Russell Brand. First off, the best song and scene of the movie is when Cruise and Akerman sing “I Want to Know What Love Is.” Who knew Malin Akerman could sing?! I had no idea and she was awesome! The scene is hysterical and both actors sound fantastic on the song. Cruise was brilliant he completely made the entire movie. The role is so different for him but he just nailed it. And holy crap can the dude belt out those notes! Cruise hit notes that amazed me mostly because I could not believe he could sing. I have never been attracted to Tom Cruise whatsoever I can never see in him what other women see but here he is so HOT!! Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand were like a team. Brand was Baldwin’s right hand man. They were fantastic together. They have a scene that is so funny and so unexpected that you will be laughing so hard. Brand in his films is sometimes a bit too much but he gave a much underplayed performance that I really enjoyed him.

            With the typical dull plot with a happy go lucky ending the music is able to keep your attention. You know all the songs already (hopefully you do if you don’t you need some help). Before the singing even started I heard the beat to some of the songs and my feet were moving right along with it. It was awesome to hear “Shadows of the Night” by Pat Benatar near the end that is one of my favorite songs by her. There is music by Foreigner, Journey, Joan Jett, Poison, Bon Jovi, and a bunch more good bands and singers from the 80s.

            Rock of Ages is a simple movie that attracts audiences of all kinds. It is glittery and fun but it feels more like pop-fluff than hard rock, it is cute and fluffy trying to make out all the characters are so into rock n’ roll. The only characters that looked like they listened to rock and were rough around the edges were Stacee Jaxx (obviously), Dennis, and Lonny (Russell Brand). But besides this if you can get past the predictable story and Julianne Hough’s singing you will have a good time watching Rock of Ages.