Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

“You still living a trail of human wreckage, or have you retired?”

“Why? You looking for a date?”

            I have never been interested in aliens. The subject/topic bores me. I know the argument is that the universe is gigantic that we cannot possibly be the only ones living on a planet somewhere. I get it that argument it makes total sense to me. I want to believe it but I kind of cannot. I feel the same way about ghost and the paranormal I want to believe it I do think it is fascinating but I do not really believe in it. Needless to say when a topic deals with aliens my ADHD riddled brain loves to take a hold and zone me out. Despite the main plot dealing with aliens I did give Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull the benefit of the doubt because it is an Indiana Jones movie and he is one of my absolute favorite movie characters. While Kingdom of the Crystal Skull gets a lot of slack for several reasons, including the fact that it is about aliens, it is a fun modern Indiana Jones adventure.

            In the middle of the desert a group of Soviet soldiers manage to infiltrate a United States military storage site. The group is led by the no nonsense Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett). She has one of her men open the trunk and take the famous archaeologist Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) out. Spalko needs Indy to find a certain object that had been found and stored away in 1947 and Indy was one of the people brought to the site in 1947. Indy tries to tell Spalko that he has no idea what the object is that he and a whole bunch of scientists were taken to the site with the windows of the blacked out. He has an idea and asks for a compass and some gun powder. The magnetic hand on the compass and the gun powder immediately go in one direction. The Russians and the archaeologist rush towards the object. The object is an alien with a crystal skull. Indy sees this as an opportunity to get away especially since his friend Mac, who was also brought to the storage site, reveals he is a double agent and is now working for the Russians. Indy manages to get away. He thinks he made it into a nice quiet picturesque American neighborhood but when he discovers that all the people are mannequins he realizes he is on a test site for a nuclear bomb. He climbs into a lead lined refrigerator just in the nick of time.

            Indy is apprehended by FBI agents who believe that because of his associations with Mac is now also a Russian spy himself. He is vouched for by a General Ross who worked with Indy during WWII. The vouch is not enough for the FBI nor for the college Indy teaches at and he is put on indefinite leave. While on a train away from the college Indy is approached by a younger greaser called Mutt Williams (Shia LeBeouf). Mutt tells Indy that their mutual friend, the old Professor Harold Oxley (John Hurt), had gone down to Peru to search for a crystal skull and disappeared. Not long later his mother Mary Williams went looking for Oxley and was kidnapped. Indy looks around the dive they are sitting in realizes that there are men in black suits watching them. The men come over to their table, they are Russians looking to bring Indy with them. Of course Indy with Mutt’s help, gets away.

            Mutt had handed Indy a letter written by Oxley. Back at his place, Indy finds that Oxley wrote the letter in Mayan. Following the clues Indy and Mutt travel down to Peru. They find Oxley had had a mental breakdown and was thrown in a cell. He drew on the walls and Indy sees that the old man left clues to where the crystal skull can be found. In their first quest Indy and Mutt are captured by Mac and the Russians and brought to their camp site. Spalko is there and she tries to show Indy the power of the skull. She wants him to believe in it just like she does but he just is not buying it. During their stay at the camp they find Mutt’s mother is there. Indy is beyond shocked that Mutt’s mother is actually his old flame Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen). Once again Indy manages to get himself and Marion and Mutt and Oxley away from the Russians. They almost get ahead of the bad guys until Indy and Marion get stuck in some quicksand. Marion confesses that Mutt is actually his son, Henry Jones III.

            Just like the original three Indiana Jones movies, Indy and his crew work and fight to outsmart the bad guys to rescue history and the save the world.

            The cast was fantastic. I nearly died and crapped my pants seeing Indiana Jones and Marion Ravenwood back together. They are definitely one of my top movie OTPs I love them together so much. Marion is such a feisty character. In Raiders of the Lost Ark she kept Indy on his toes and she does so again in Crystal Skull. I do not know if it is just me but in Raiders you can tell that Marion is the only one he every really truly cared about. Willie in Temple of Doom was just someone to have fun with and Elsa in Last Crusade, well, Elsa was a bad guy but he definitely had a good time with her in one scene. There never seemed to be any chemistry or tension between Willie and Elsa like there was with Marion. Marion’s introduction scene in Crystal Skull is perfect you can still she is the same Marion Ravenwood she was when she was younger. I do not know what more I can say about Harrison Ford. Even in his late sixties at the time he was still kicking ass like a boss. He is and will forever be Indiana Jones. Ford mentioned that the character is not all about the age but his resourcefulness and imagination which has always been the case from the time of Raiders. Cate Blanchett was perfection as Irina Spalko. She is such a great actress it was great seeing her be this Russian bad guy who barely broke a sweat. I am not a fan of Shia LeBeouf but he was good as Mutt he was a good choice to play Indy and Marion’s son.

            Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is definitely not the best of the Indiana Jones movies but I find it enjoyable. The story is not the greatest with the aliens and the crystal skull and the Russians. Some people still complain that the CGI was too much that it made the movie cheesy and to that I say, can you all imagine what Raiders and Temple of Doom and Last Crusade would have looked like with the CGI today? Imagine how insane Toht’s melting face and the ghosts and the snakes in Raiders would have looked like? Chill out. I liked Crystal Skull and since it is a part of the Indiana Jones canon it is absolutely worth watching. 

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)

"‘X’ never, ever marks the spot.”

            There are two things in this world from history that tend to fascinate just about everyone: The Holy Grail and the Nazis. The history of The Holy Grail goes all the way back to the earliest centuries. For thousands of years there has been a quest for the Cup of Christ that he used at the Last Supper. The Nazis were leaders of Hitler before and during World War II. They did whatever their Fuhrer wished and stopped at nothing to make his wishes come true. They caused utter destruction and millions of deaths. One story is legend and the other is true. When truth and legend combined to form a story is can be an incredibly interesting one if done right. The third installment of the original trilogy of Indiana Jones, The Last Crusade, combines the legend of The Holy Grail with the insanity of the Nazis to form one of the best movie stories and best movies ever made. 

            The Last Crusade begins by telling the story of how Indiana Jones became Indiana Jones. In 1912 when he was on a trip with the Boy Scouts he encountered men digging in caves in the desert. They were looking for a cross that belonged to Coronado. Indy knows that the cross belongs in a museum and intends to steal it to show his father. He almost gets away with it but slips up on some wood as he is climbing and knocks the wood to the ground alerting the diggers. Indy almost manages to out run them by jumping on a circus train and then running back to his house. His father cares for nothing but what is in front of him and tells Indy to count to calm himself down. Unfortunately, the sheriff arrives with the diggers and Indy is forced to give up the cross. The main digger tells Indy “Better luck next time” and places his brown fedora on young Indy’s head.

            Years later Indiana Jones is on a storm tossed ship once again looking to put Coronado’s cross into a museum. This time he is successful. Back in his classroom at the university where he is a professor, Indiana receives a package but does not have time to open it due to the swarm of students outside his door waiting to speak to him. He climbs out the window only to be stopped by two men in black suits and a car waiting to take him somewhere. That somewhere Indiana is taken to is the apartment of Walter Donovan. Donovan tells the archaeologist that his team he has assembled have found the location of a knight that is part of the lore of The Holy Grail and that his stone shield on his tomb has the site of The Holy Grail on it. Indiana is intrigued but asks why his father, who is an expert on the Grail is not the one Donovan contacted. Donovan informs Indy that his father was working for them but he disappeared in Venice.

            In Venice Indy and Marcus are to meet a Dr. Schneider. They think the doctor is a man and are pleasantly surprised to find it is a woman, Elsa Schneider. Elsa had been working with Indy’s father Henry (Sean Connery) before he disappeared. They were last together in an old library that had once been a church. The church is filled with symbols and images from the story of The Holy Grail. Indy finds that that X really does mark the spot and that underneath that X is a maze of catacombs where the one Grail knight’s burial place is located. Indy and Elsa find the knight’s casket and the other half of the shield. Indy quickly chalk rubs the shield just before the petroleum all around them is lit. Fortunately they are able to get away but are quickly chased by a group of men who are sworn to protect the site of the Grail. After an epic boat chase Indy manages to get it out of one of the men that his father is being held captive in a German castle.

            Indy and Elsa go to the castle and they split up. Indy finds Henry alone in room. The German are alerted to Indy being there and the head of the Nazis at the castle brings Elsa into the room as if she is a hostage. Henry tries to convince his son that Elsa is one of the Nazis. Indy refuses to listen and Elsa comes over to him and takes the Grail Book.

            Both Joneses manage to get away from the Germans. They go to Marcus and Indy’s old friend Sallah in Egypt. The Nazis also manage to make it to Egypt and they make the race to where the Grail is a very difficult challenge. When they make it to the location Henry is shot by the Nazis to make Indy go through the challenges that were set up as a test for those seeking the Grail. Henry had found clues to the challenges over many years throughout many sources. Indy successfully gets through the challenges and so does Elsa and Walter Donovan. One of the knights of the Grail is still in the room where hundreds of chalices are. He tells them to choose wisely. Donovan is not a historian he has no idea which one would be the cup of Christ. Elsa chooses for him and she purposely chooses the wrong one. Donovan quickly decomposes and turns to dust. Indy, of course, chooses the right one, the one that would be the cup of a carpenter. He brings the Grail filled with water back to his father. Henry drinks it and Indy pours water over his father’s womb and it quickly disappears. The old knight told them that the Grail cannot be carried out of the location no one can carry it over a certain point on the floor. Elsa is a dumb ass and walks over the point and the whole place caves in on them. Elsa falls to her demise after she tries to crab the cup. Indy almost does too but Henry tells him, “Indiana, let it go.”

            Indy, Henry, Sallah, and Marcus are all out of the location safe and sound. All throughout the movie Henry has been calling Indy “Junior”. Puzzled, Sallah asks what is with “Junior”. Henry explains that Indy’s real name is Henry Jones, Jr. and that “Indiana was the dog.” Indy goes by the dog’s name because he liked the dog.

            What makes Last Crusade so much fun, almost more than the story, is seeing Harrison Ford and Sean Connery together. They made the best father/son team. It is really awesome that Sean Connery played Indy’s father because Indiana Jones was based off of James Bond. It was perfect to have the original James Bond come and play Indy’s father. Connery and Ford had great chemistry and they were very funny together.

            Going off of the Bond theme, I feel the need to talk about Elsa as a kind of Bond Girl a little bit. In Temple of Doom, the female lead of Willie Scott was an awful mess. Willie was a mess because she was whinny and needy and annoying as hell and she followed who I consider to be one of the ultimate female movie characters Marion Ravenwood. Marion is THE HBIC she is perfection as a female character. Then George Lucas and the writers follow up Marion Ravenwood with Willie Scott who is one of the worst types of female characters in a movie (can you tell I really, really do not like Willie?). Elsa Schneider was in no way near Marion’s level of female character but she was a HUGE improvement over Willie. She was definitely more the type of a Bond Girl: she appeared to be on Indiana’s side and then she turned out to be duplicitous. Usually in the Bond movies there are two female characters, one of them is good and the one that Bond has a thing with and the other is seductive and bad. In Last Crusade there was no good Bond Girl-type just the bad kind and she worked out so well. I love the way Elsa played Indy and even Henry.

            Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is without a doubt one of the most beloved and admired movies of all time and the out of the Indiana Jones trilogy that everyone likes the best. The story of the Nazis going after The Holy Grail and Indy and Henry having to go on this adventure to find it is so great and so much fun. I remember watching Last Crusade at my grandma’s house on VHS all the time when I was little. I did not even realize until like a couple of years ago there were other Indiana Jones movies besides Last Crusade! (that was before I became a movie freak, forgive my ignorance). Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is a movie that everyone enjoys and if you have not seen it shame on you, get your act together and go watch it right now! 

Raiders of the Lost Ark



“The Bible speaks of the Ark leveling mountains and laying waste to entire regions. An army which carries the Ark before it... is invincible.”

            Raiders of the Lost Ark is one of my all time favorite movies. Ever since I was little I have had a great love of history and archaeology, I still do which is why I am an Art History major (this mixes the best of social history, art, and archaeology).

            Indiana Jones is a “Professor of archeology, expert on the occult, and how does one say it? Obtainer of rare antiquities.” Indy is the guy that every boy wants to be and the guy all the girls want to date.

            One day his friend and fellow professor Marcus Brody tells him that there are men from the government waiting to see him. They have received a communications from a man named Abner Ravenwood that sounds like a cryptic message. Indiana trained under Ravenwood but the two had a falling out years ago. Part of the message is how the Nazis have found a place called Tanis which is supposed to be the last place the Ark of the Covenant was seen hundreds of years ago.  The two men ask Indiana to find the Ark before the Nazis can get a hold of it because God only knows what could happen if they get their hands on it.

            The first place Indiana goes to for his quest for the Ark is to Nepal where Abner’s daughter Marion is now living and running a bar. He needs to find a medallion  that when placed in the sun at a certain time can give him the location of where the Ark is. Marion is the reason why Indiana and Abner did not talk anymore because he broke her heart. Upon seeing each other for the first time in years Marion gives Indy a good punch in the jaw! Marion claims to not know where the medallion is that if he comes back the following day she will have the medallion he is looking for. When Indy leaves Marion takes the piece out of her shirt where she has it around her neck on a chain.

            A man named Toht who works for the Nazis comes into the bar. He is also looking for the same medallion as Indy. Toht has more persuasive methods to get the piece and soon Marion can no longer hold her own. Toht takes a poker from the fire and brings it close to her face. Luckily Indy comes to the rescue and a fight breaks out in the bar. Of course Indy and Marion make it out of the bar before the whole place goes up in a fiery blaze. Marion yells at Indy “I'll tell you what; Until I get back my five thousand dollars, you're gonna get more than you bargained for. I'm your goddamn partner!” 

            Indiana and Mario fly to Cairo to begin their search for the dig site along with Indy’s friend Sallah. Right away Indiana and Marion are in danger from his archaeological rival Belloq (who is working for the Nazis) and his men. This is the start of the adventure of looking for the Ark of the Covenant.

            Indiana Jones is an amazing character. Harrison Ford almost was not Indiana the role almost went to Tom Seleck (a few other actors also tried out for the part). George Lucas did not want to use Ford since he was Han Solo in Star Wars but since Seleck had to back out Ford came in. I cannot even imagine anyone else being Indiana Jones, Ford is so perfect. Indiana Jones as a character is my idol I wish I could be a daring archaeologist and brilliant historian like him.

            Marion Ravenwood is my all time favorite movie character. She is the ultimate HBIC- Head Bitch in Charge. Right from the moment we first see her Marion wins a drinking game without batting an eye or passing out. When Indy comes walking into the bar she gives him a punch he could never see coming she tells him exactly what he did to her to make her so mad at him. All through the movie Marion is just kick ass she is tough, strong, feisty, and independent. She really is the only woman in the Indiana Jones movies who could keep up and match wits with Indiana. Marion has one of my all time favorite movie lines when she turns around and sees Indiana for the first time:

            “Indiana Jones. I always knew some day you'd come walking back through my door.”

Just the way Karen Allen says this line is so good she just put so much behind it. You can tell she is just a bit hurt about seeing him again but says it with a sly, sarcastic smile.

            There was a program on the History channel which explained how the Indiana Jones movies are very true to how archaeology was done back in the 1930s. In the early 1900s there were no laws for explorers and archaeologists they would just go into countries and take what they wanted (almost all the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Cypriot art is stolen and the British Museum pretty much stole all the sculptures from the Parthenon). Digs and ruins were and still are dangerous and real archaeologists, depending on where they are, run into gross bugs and snakes.

            What I find interesting is how the movie dealt with the legend of the Ark of the Covenant. It is still a relic many archaeologists and historians are seeking. Biblical archaeology is very dangerous since much of the Holy lands are in very dangerous areas of Africa and the Middle East. I personally believe there is no Ark left. There were so many invaders that came through Israel that it was most likely stolen from its holy temple and melted.

            Raiders of the Lost Ark is definitely my kind of movie. It makes history and archaeology look sexy and fun. The characters from Indiana Jones and Marion Ravenwood and Sallah and Belloq down to the henchmen and the swordsman in the market were just perfect. The script is smart and witty. Raiders is such a fun adventure that does not let up for two seconds it is one of the greatest action-adventure movies ever made.



Two of the most iconic movie scenes