Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

“You still living a trail of human wreckage, or have you retired?”

“Why? You looking for a date?”

            I have never been interested in aliens. The subject/topic bores me. I know the argument is that the universe is gigantic that we cannot possibly be the only ones living on a planet somewhere. I get it that argument it makes total sense to me. I want to believe it but I kind of cannot. I feel the same way about ghost and the paranormal I want to believe it I do think it is fascinating but I do not really believe in it. Needless to say when a topic deals with aliens my ADHD riddled brain loves to take a hold and zone me out. Despite the main plot dealing with aliens I did give Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull the benefit of the doubt because it is an Indiana Jones movie and he is one of my absolute favorite movie characters. While Kingdom of the Crystal Skull gets a lot of slack for several reasons, including the fact that it is about aliens, it is a fun modern Indiana Jones adventure.

            In the middle of the desert a group of Soviet soldiers manage to infiltrate a United States military storage site. The group is led by the no nonsense Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett). She has one of her men open the trunk and take the famous archaeologist Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) out. Spalko needs Indy to find a certain object that had been found and stored away in 1947 and Indy was one of the people brought to the site in 1947. Indy tries to tell Spalko that he has no idea what the object is that he and a whole bunch of scientists were taken to the site with the windows of the blacked out. He has an idea and asks for a compass and some gun powder. The magnetic hand on the compass and the gun powder immediately go in one direction. The Russians and the archaeologist rush towards the object. The object is an alien with a crystal skull. Indy sees this as an opportunity to get away especially since his friend Mac, who was also brought to the storage site, reveals he is a double agent and is now working for the Russians. Indy manages to get away. He thinks he made it into a nice quiet picturesque American neighborhood but when he discovers that all the people are mannequins he realizes he is on a test site for a nuclear bomb. He climbs into a lead lined refrigerator just in the nick of time.

            Indy is apprehended by FBI agents who believe that because of his associations with Mac is now also a Russian spy himself. He is vouched for by a General Ross who worked with Indy during WWII. The vouch is not enough for the FBI nor for the college Indy teaches at and he is put on indefinite leave. While on a train away from the college Indy is approached by a younger greaser called Mutt Williams (Shia LeBeouf). Mutt tells Indy that their mutual friend, the old Professor Harold Oxley (John Hurt), had gone down to Peru to search for a crystal skull and disappeared. Not long later his mother Mary Williams went looking for Oxley and was kidnapped. Indy looks around the dive they are sitting in realizes that there are men in black suits watching them. The men come over to their table, they are Russians looking to bring Indy with them. Of course Indy with Mutt’s help, gets away.

            Mutt had handed Indy a letter written by Oxley. Back at his place, Indy finds that Oxley wrote the letter in Mayan. Following the clues Indy and Mutt travel down to Peru. They find Oxley had had a mental breakdown and was thrown in a cell. He drew on the walls and Indy sees that the old man left clues to where the crystal skull can be found. In their first quest Indy and Mutt are captured by Mac and the Russians and brought to their camp site. Spalko is there and she tries to show Indy the power of the skull. She wants him to believe in it just like she does but he just is not buying it. During their stay at the camp they find Mutt’s mother is there. Indy is beyond shocked that Mutt’s mother is actually his old flame Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen). Once again Indy manages to get himself and Marion and Mutt and Oxley away from the Russians. They almost get ahead of the bad guys until Indy and Marion get stuck in some quicksand. Marion confesses that Mutt is actually his son, Henry Jones III.

            Just like the original three Indiana Jones movies, Indy and his crew work and fight to outsmart the bad guys to rescue history and the save the world.

            The cast was fantastic. I nearly died and crapped my pants seeing Indiana Jones and Marion Ravenwood back together. They are definitely one of my top movie OTPs I love them together so much. Marion is such a feisty character. In Raiders of the Lost Ark she kept Indy on his toes and she does so again in Crystal Skull. I do not know if it is just me but in Raiders you can tell that Marion is the only one he every really truly cared about. Willie in Temple of Doom was just someone to have fun with and Elsa in Last Crusade, well, Elsa was a bad guy but he definitely had a good time with her in one scene. There never seemed to be any chemistry or tension between Willie and Elsa like there was with Marion. Marion’s introduction scene in Crystal Skull is perfect you can still she is the same Marion Ravenwood she was when she was younger. I do not know what more I can say about Harrison Ford. Even in his late sixties at the time he was still kicking ass like a boss. He is and will forever be Indiana Jones. Ford mentioned that the character is not all about the age but his resourcefulness and imagination which has always been the case from the time of Raiders. Cate Blanchett was perfection as Irina Spalko. She is such a great actress it was great seeing her be this Russian bad guy who barely broke a sweat. I am not a fan of Shia LeBeouf but he was good as Mutt he was a good choice to play Indy and Marion’s son.

            Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is definitely not the best of the Indiana Jones movies but I find it enjoyable. The story is not the greatest with the aliens and the crystal skull and the Russians. Some people still complain that the CGI was too much that it made the movie cheesy and to that I say, can you all imagine what Raiders and Temple of Doom and Last Crusade would have looked like with the CGI today? Imagine how insane Toht’s melting face and the ghosts and the snakes in Raiders would have looked like? Chill out. I liked Crystal Skull and since it is a part of the Indiana Jones canon it is absolutely worth watching. 

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)

"‘X’ never, ever marks the spot.”

            There are two things in this world from history that tend to fascinate just about everyone: The Holy Grail and the Nazis. The history of The Holy Grail goes all the way back to the earliest centuries. For thousands of years there has been a quest for the Cup of Christ that he used at the Last Supper. The Nazis were leaders of Hitler before and during World War II. They did whatever their Fuhrer wished and stopped at nothing to make his wishes come true. They caused utter destruction and millions of deaths. One story is legend and the other is true. When truth and legend combined to form a story is can be an incredibly interesting one if done right. The third installment of the original trilogy of Indiana Jones, The Last Crusade, combines the legend of The Holy Grail with the insanity of the Nazis to form one of the best movie stories and best movies ever made. 

            The Last Crusade begins by telling the story of how Indiana Jones became Indiana Jones. In 1912 when he was on a trip with the Boy Scouts he encountered men digging in caves in the desert. They were looking for a cross that belonged to Coronado. Indy knows that the cross belongs in a museum and intends to steal it to show his father. He almost gets away with it but slips up on some wood as he is climbing and knocks the wood to the ground alerting the diggers. Indy almost manages to out run them by jumping on a circus train and then running back to his house. His father cares for nothing but what is in front of him and tells Indy to count to calm himself down. Unfortunately, the sheriff arrives with the diggers and Indy is forced to give up the cross. The main digger tells Indy “Better luck next time” and places his brown fedora on young Indy’s head.

            Years later Indiana Jones is on a storm tossed ship once again looking to put Coronado’s cross into a museum. This time he is successful. Back in his classroom at the university where he is a professor, Indiana receives a package but does not have time to open it due to the swarm of students outside his door waiting to speak to him. He climbs out the window only to be stopped by two men in black suits and a car waiting to take him somewhere. That somewhere Indiana is taken to is the apartment of Walter Donovan. Donovan tells the archaeologist that his team he has assembled have found the location of a knight that is part of the lore of The Holy Grail and that his stone shield on his tomb has the site of The Holy Grail on it. Indiana is intrigued but asks why his father, who is an expert on the Grail is not the one Donovan contacted. Donovan informs Indy that his father was working for them but he disappeared in Venice.

            In Venice Indy and Marcus are to meet a Dr. Schneider. They think the doctor is a man and are pleasantly surprised to find it is a woman, Elsa Schneider. Elsa had been working with Indy’s father Henry (Sean Connery) before he disappeared. They were last together in an old library that had once been a church. The church is filled with symbols and images from the story of The Holy Grail. Indy finds that that X really does mark the spot and that underneath that X is a maze of catacombs where the one Grail knight’s burial place is located. Indy and Elsa find the knight’s casket and the other half of the shield. Indy quickly chalk rubs the shield just before the petroleum all around them is lit. Fortunately they are able to get away but are quickly chased by a group of men who are sworn to protect the site of the Grail. After an epic boat chase Indy manages to get it out of one of the men that his father is being held captive in a German castle.

            Indy and Elsa go to the castle and they split up. Indy finds Henry alone in room. The German are alerted to Indy being there and the head of the Nazis at the castle brings Elsa into the room as if she is a hostage. Henry tries to convince his son that Elsa is one of the Nazis. Indy refuses to listen and Elsa comes over to him and takes the Grail Book.

            Both Joneses manage to get away from the Germans. They go to Marcus and Indy’s old friend Sallah in Egypt. The Nazis also manage to make it to Egypt and they make the race to where the Grail is a very difficult challenge. When they make it to the location Henry is shot by the Nazis to make Indy go through the challenges that were set up as a test for those seeking the Grail. Henry had found clues to the challenges over many years throughout many sources. Indy successfully gets through the challenges and so does Elsa and Walter Donovan. One of the knights of the Grail is still in the room where hundreds of chalices are. He tells them to choose wisely. Donovan is not a historian he has no idea which one would be the cup of Christ. Elsa chooses for him and she purposely chooses the wrong one. Donovan quickly decomposes and turns to dust. Indy, of course, chooses the right one, the one that would be the cup of a carpenter. He brings the Grail filled with water back to his father. Henry drinks it and Indy pours water over his father’s womb and it quickly disappears. The old knight told them that the Grail cannot be carried out of the location no one can carry it over a certain point on the floor. Elsa is a dumb ass and walks over the point and the whole place caves in on them. Elsa falls to her demise after she tries to crab the cup. Indy almost does too but Henry tells him, “Indiana, let it go.”

            Indy, Henry, Sallah, and Marcus are all out of the location safe and sound. All throughout the movie Henry has been calling Indy “Junior”. Puzzled, Sallah asks what is with “Junior”. Henry explains that Indy’s real name is Henry Jones, Jr. and that “Indiana was the dog.” Indy goes by the dog’s name because he liked the dog.

            What makes Last Crusade so much fun, almost more than the story, is seeing Harrison Ford and Sean Connery together. They made the best father/son team. It is really awesome that Sean Connery played Indy’s father because Indiana Jones was based off of James Bond. It was perfect to have the original James Bond come and play Indy’s father. Connery and Ford had great chemistry and they were very funny together.

            Going off of the Bond theme, I feel the need to talk about Elsa as a kind of Bond Girl a little bit. In Temple of Doom, the female lead of Willie Scott was an awful mess. Willie was a mess because she was whinny and needy and annoying as hell and she followed who I consider to be one of the ultimate female movie characters Marion Ravenwood. Marion is THE HBIC she is perfection as a female character. Then George Lucas and the writers follow up Marion Ravenwood with Willie Scott who is one of the worst types of female characters in a movie (can you tell I really, really do not like Willie?). Elsa Schneider was in no way near Marion’s level of female character but she was a HUGE improvement over Willie. She was definitely more the type of a Bond Girl: she appeared to be on Indiana’s side and then she turned out to be duplicitous. Usually in the Bond movies there are two female characters, one of them is good and the one that Bond has a thing with and the other is seductive and bad. In Last Crusade there was no good Bond Girl-type just the bad kind and she worked out so well. I love the way Elsa played Indy and even Henry.

            Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is without a doubt one of the most beloved and admired movies of all time and the out of the Indiana Jones trilogy that everyone likes the best. The story of the Nazis going after The Holy Grail and Indy and Henry having to go on this adventure to find it is so great and so much fun. I remember watching Last Crusade at my grandma’s house on VHS all the time when I was little. I did not even realize until like a couple of years ago there were other Indiana Jones movies besides Last Crusade! (that was before I became a movie freak, forgive my ignorance). Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is a movie that everyone enjoys and if you have not seen it shame on you, get your act together and go watch it right now! 

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)

“You're gonna get killed chasing after your damn fortune and glory!”

“Maybe. But not today.”

            Archaeology is something that fascinates so many. It is incredible when watching a documentary about an archaeological excavation how these archaeologist gleam so much about the past, a culture, a person, a religion, a former way of life from the smallest of objects. Today archaeologists are extremely thorough in their collecting procedures and local politics. The field was not always like that though. Famously the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s entire Cesnola Collection of Cypriot Art is considered to have been stolen. Using blackmail and illegal ways, Luigi Palma di Cesnola funded the excavation of Cypriot antiquities while he was appointed to the American consul in Cypress in the 1860s. Cesnola than brought his collection to the Met where he became the first Director and where the collection is still located to this day. Cypress could have used the movie character Indiana Jones on their side. (In fact most archaeologists in the 1930s were like Indiana Jones… well, they were like him in the sense they used the same practices as the character). The country could have used Indiana like he was used by an Indian village to get back their sacred rocks in the movie Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

            Temple of Doom takes place the year before Raiders of the Lost Ark in 1935. Professor Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) is in China. He is in a nightclub to give the crime boss Lao Che an ancient Chinese artifact. Lao cheats the professor and almost kills him by poison. Indy of course manages to escape but he has a bit of hindrance with him in the form of the nightclub’s singer Willie Scott (Kate Capshaw). Indy and Willie, along with Indy’s kid sidekick Short Round. All three narrowly escape when their plane goes down and they jump off the plane on an inflatable raft.

            They wind up landing on a river and stopping on the shores of a small village in India. The village is desolate. All the children, they find, have been taken away from them and that there is a palace that had been silent for such a long time and now it is occupied once again. The stories of the palace are not good. Indy sees that the village’s sacred stones have been taken. He now feels it is his duty to help these unfortunate people find their children and their stones so their land can once again come back to life and the village can thrive again. Willie is not happy about this detour at all and complains the entire way to the palace.

             At the palace Indy questions the people running it about a cult known as the Thuggee that were supposed to have been banished one hundred years previously. Everyone connected to the palace of course denies any such knowledge of this cult and of course Indy eventually finds them under the palace. He also finds the children of the small village have been enslaved in mines and caves working until they can no longer work. Indiana Jones returns the stones to the village where there is now green growing and the children have returned as well.

            Besides Harrison Ford, I think the cast of Temple of Doom is really lacking. Ford as Indiana Jones he is brilliant. No one could have been Indy but him. I could not stand the character of Willie so in turn Kate Capshaw annoyed the piss out of me. Willie is quite possibly one of the most annoying characters ever. Every time she opens her mouth I want to cry. She was such a poor follow up to Marion Ravenwood who is one of the best written female characters in a movie. It is like the writers went backwards with portraying their female lead. Willie was a whining, complaining, screaming, pain in the ass, damsel in distress. (Well, I guess technically they did since Temple of Doom is supposed to be a prequel of sorts). Despite the character being annoying Capshaw’s acting, to me, was terrible. I do want to give a mention to Ric Young who plays Lao Che’s son because he played the notorious villain Suit and Glasses on the TV show Alias. He was the first villain to really come up on Alias besides the main bad guy and to any fan of the TV show he is iconic. It was cool to see Young in a role outside of Suit and Glasses. (There is also a big Grey’s Anatomy/Alias/Kate Capshaw connection. If you want to hear this insane rambling of mine leave a comment below).

            Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is the lackluster one out of the original trilogy. Every time I watch Temple of Doom I cannot believe that this was the follow up to Raiders of the Lost Ark. Raiders is one of the most perfect movies ever between the story, the direction, the acting, and so many other aspects and then George Lucas and Steven Spielberg followed that perfection up with a story that is just silly and with a female character that is beyond a joke. With all my bashing of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom it is not the worst movie I have ever seen and I will always watch it as it is part of the Indiana Jones trilogy (Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is another discussion I will not get into at this time). This is definitely the Indiana Jones movie to drag your heels to see. 

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)

“There are stories about what happened.”

“It's true. All of it. The Dark Side, the Jedi. They're real.”

            WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY TO BE A MOVIE FANATIC!!!!

            Star Wars: The Force Awakens has finally been released! I got the chance to see it tonight in IMAX 3-D and it was the greatest movie experience and one of the greatest experiences in my life.

            Let me start off my saying that I am not a gigantic Star Wars fan. My two youngest brothers, Anthony and Christian, are obsessed. Anthony is twenty-two and Christian is sixteen. Ever since they were both little they have been fans of the movies. I remember them playing with all kinds of Star Wars toys and getting them for Christmases and birthdays. I was more excited to see The Force Awakens because my brothers were beyond excited. For the entire week before The Force Awakens Anthony kept saying “only 4 more sleeps”, “only two more sleeps!”. My point of this is, I guess, I kind of grew up on Star Wars through my brothers and I do like it and I was excited to see because of my brothers and I was also excited to be a part of a huge cultural event.

            My entire family went to see The Force Awakens. We were all on pins and needles waiting for the movie to begin. Over the last three days I watched A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi. I was totally ready to see what adventures the new story would take us on and where all our favorite characters were in their lives and meet the new characters. When the movie began the entire theater clapped and cheered. Anthony and Christian were holding each other’s hands as if they were back to being little boys.

            I sat enraptured as The Resistance began their fight against a new enemy known as the First Order. My excitement became tenfold as soon as I saw Han Solo come on screen. My shipping heart fluttered when Han and Leia were on screen together. I was beyond thrilled to see Rey portrayed as this amazing new female protagonist (if there is one thing JJ Abrams knows how to write extremely well it is female protagonists who kick some major ass and do it well) who is not afraid to get right in the middle of the action. I was so happy to see Oscar Isaac in a big movie like this, I enjoy him so much as an actor. Adam Driver could not have been any more perfect than he was as the new Darth Vader-type character Kylo Ren. I nearly jumped out of seat in happiness seeing Greg Grunberg play one of the Resistance fighter pilots (he will forever be Weiss from the show Alias to me. Alias, for those of you that do not know, is a show JJ Abrams created with Jennifer Garner as the lead). The new droid BB-8 may just be one of the cutest things ever created (can a droid be called “cute”?).

            There is not much more that I can say about Star Wars: The Force Awakens without giving too much of the plot away. I know you can look up spoilers and read a small summary on IMDB but I do not even want to give that much away to you. There are so many incredible and feels-hurting things that happen in The Force Awakens for me to ever want to spoil it. Just know that The Force Awakens, whether you see it in IMAX 3-D or the regular way, it will be one of the greatest movie experiences you will ever experience. I am beyond excited to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens again. I loved it so much. 

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi (1983)

“Never. I'll never turn to the Dark Side. You've failed, your highness. I am a Jedi, like my father before me.”

“So be it... Jedi!”

            Star Wars: The Return of the Jedi is the final movie of the original saga and it is a very finale to a fantastic beginning of a cultural phenomenon.

            Han Solo is now in the hands of Jabba the Hutt for not delivering cargo. Han is still frozen in carbon in Jabba’s lair. Luke, Leia, Chewbacca, and the droids C3-PO and R2-D2 bust Han from his carbon chamber and get rid of the awful Jabba the Hut.

            The Rebel Alliance has learned that Dark Vader and the Empire under Emperor Palpatine have been rebuilding an even stronger and menacing Death Star. This new Death Star has a protective shield around it that is on the forest moon of Endor. The moon is inhabited by small creatures known as Ewoks. Luke and Leia work together and with some other rebels and even the Ewoks to lure the Storm Troopers away from the shield.

            Luke goes back to Yoda who at 900 years old is dying. He confirms to Luke that Darth Vader is his father Anakin Skywalker. Yoda also reveals that there is another Skywalker. That other Skywalker is Leia, Luke’s twin sister. Luke goes back to Endor to tell Leia about them and that he is going to the new Death Star to try to defeat Vader. Luke believes there is still some of the good Anakin in Vader and wants to try to persuade him to turn good.

            I cannot imagine what it must have been like to be a fan of Star Wars when it was originally out having to wait three years in between each movie and then having it all come to an end. I have never really been into a series of movies. My two youngest brother are obsessed with, not only Star Wars, but Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit which are series that have all ended. I cannot imagine being so into a movie series and having it end. Even watching the movies today watching Return of the Jedi was a bit sad because the cast is so good. I was sad that they would not be together anymore like they were. If you have read my reviews for A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back you will know I completely Leia and Han. I was so happy seeing them be all adorable. I died a little when Han got jealous of Leia thinking about Luke!

            Star Wars: Return of the Jedi was fantastic. I am so happy I finally sat and watched the Star Wars trilogy and that I enjoyed them so much. I appreciate them so much as movies they are all so perfect and so entertaining. I love the direction, the writing and most of all the cast and the characters. I’m ready to rewatch them all right now! 

Star Wars: A New Hope (1977)

“The Force is strong with this one.”

            Oh, Star Wars. What would the world be like without it? It is hard to imagine what our culture would be like with Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker and Han Solo and Princess Leia and C3-PO and R2-D2. Everyone knows something about Star Wars even if they have never seen the movies. For me, Star Wars is ingrained in my family. My two youngest brothers, Anthony and Christian, have loved Star Wars ever since they were little. They have so many toys and ornaments and God knows what else of the movies. I had always seen bits and pieces of them and a few years ago I marathoned 1-6 (what a waste of time the first three are!). At the time I marathoned the movies I was not really into movies like I am now. I remember thinking, well, I finally sat through them and I can I saw them. Now watching the original trilogy over with a better appreciation for movies I love the original Star Wars movies they are amazing and so much fun. Also, I finally get what the big deal is with them which makes me so happy.

            A New Hope begins with the evil Darth Vader and his Storm Troopers taking over a ship carrying Princes Leia. They want the princess to tell them where the rebel base is. Before Vader finds her, Leia has sent off a message in a small droid named R2-D2. The droid and his droid companion C3-PO hope in a little pod and fly away to a nearby galaxy.

            The planet the droids land on is dry desolate. Almost immediately they are captured by sand people and put up for sale. They are bought by the uncle of Luke Skywalker. When Luke is cleaning out R2-D2 he sees a bit of the message Leia had left with the droid. She is pleading “Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.” The following day he takes the droid to an old man named Ben who is the Obi-Wan the princess seeks. Obi-Wan knew Luke’s father and wants to train him to be a Jedi knight.

            Darth Vader and his troops have traced the droids to Luke’s home planet. When Luke returns to his home he finds it destroyed and his aunt and uncle killed. Obi-Wan suggests going into the city and looking for someone to fly them to another galaxy. They find rogue and very much in trouble smuggler Han Solo to fly them in his Millennium Falcon.

            Luke, Obi-Wan and Han save Leia and return her to the rebellion’s base. At the base they plan to take down the Empire’s headquarters known as the Death Star.

            I never realized just how awesome the characters, particularly Han and Leia, were. I am bit obsessed with Han Solo at the moment because Harrison Ford did such an amazing job playing the character. Han had a very Devil-may-care attitude and I think that’s exactly what Ford does with his acting. I love the snarkiness of Han and Ford delivered all of Han’s snark to perfection. Leia is a bad ass. She completely held her own against all the guys. She never let Vader scare her she gave him shit right back. R2-D2 I am in love with he is so adorable. I never really understood why so many people like Darth Vader. To me he is a bad guy and bad guys are not supposed to be liked but Vader is way too cool of a bad guy not to like. Luke was alright. I think his character gets better and better with each movie.

            Star Wars: A New Hope is a fantastic movie. Character introductions and story set ups are so important. Sometimes they both suck or either one or other does but this movie managed to make both complete perfection. I am so happy my brothers are into Star Wars because I would have missed out on seeing A New Hope and watching great, iconic characters. I fully plan on watching A New Hope again as soon as I can!