Mortdecai (2015)

“As you may well know, I am many things. An arts dealer, an accomplished fencer, fair shot with most weapons. I am loved and respected by all who know me - slightly.” 

            Well, I must say that I do not hate to be the one to tell Mortdecai that I do not respect him or the movie even remotely slightly. I did not like Mortdecai to the point where I am not even going to bother to try to write a summary because I have no damn clue what happened nor do I even care.

            All I know is that the story had something to do with a rare lost Goya painting that was stolen and that Charlie Mortdecai (Johnny Depp) is an fraud and deals with stolen art himself but he is used as an informant and helps with certain police cases concerning art.

            Why did I sit through this shit hole of movie, you may be asking yourself. I am a sucker for any story that has to do with stolen art. I have a BA degree in Art History and a MA in Museum Registration. I would hopefully one day like to become some kind of specialist who deals with stolen art and theft prevention. As soon as I saw that Mortdecai had something to do with stolen art I had to see it. Of course I knew it was bad it was barely in theaters when it was released a few months ago but I did not know how bad it truly was.

            Usually even if a movie is bad I can find at least one or two redeeming qualities about it. With Mortdecai I found none. It was that bad. The characters sucked and the jokes were terrible. The worst is that it tried way too hard to be quirky and funny and it completely over shot the mark.

            Leave Mortdecai where it belongs… in the shitter.

 

Into the Woods (2014)

“I wish, more than anything...”

            I am a big fan of the show Once Upon a Time. I like how all the fairy tale stories and characters are brought together. Magic, in the show, is used for both good and evil. The good and the bad characters struggle with their ability to use magic. As one character has said over and over again throughout the series “Magic always comes with a price.” I have no doubt that the concept for Once Upon a Time came from the Broadway musical Into the Woods. The musical has been made into a movie. In this story characters from different stories come together to learn that magic, either good or bad, comes with a price and they all pay in one way or another.

            The story revolves mainly around a baker and his wife, Little Red Riding Hood, Jack and the Beanstalk, and Cinderella. The Baker and his wife have been married for a few years and have no children. The Baker’s Wife (Emily Blunt) desperately wants a child. The Baker cannot stand to see his wife so upset but he has some trepidation about being a father since his walked out on him. The Witch (Meryl Streep) from next door comes barging in. She tells the couple the reason they cannot have any children is because she put a curse on the Baker’s father. The father came into the Witch’s garden years before and stole from her. The Witch’s mother had told her to never pick the magic beans. The father had taken the magic beans and the Witch turned to her ugly self. Because of this theft, the Witch made sure anyone in that house would never be able to have children. But, she tells the couple, the curse can be broken. They need to find a red cape, hair the yellow color of corn, a cow as white as milk, and gold colored shoes. The Baker has to go into the woods to find what he needs. His wife wants to go but he tells her to stay behind. Before he leaves they find the magic beans in the pocket of his jacket that had once belonged to his father.

            Little Red Riding Hood had stopped in the Baker’s shop on her way to her grandmother’s in the woods. She helps herself to some cookies and bread and is on her way. In the woods a wolf (Johnny Depp) tries to tempt her to come with him. He wants to eat her. As much as Red would like to go with him to pick flowers and do other things she cannot stray from the path to her grandmother’s. Of course you know the wolf makes it to the grandmother’s eats the grandmother. In this version the wolf does eat both the grandmother and the girl but they are saved by the Baker.

            Jack and his mother are very poor. Their cow Milky White has not given them any milk. His mother (Tracy Ullman) makes him go through the woods to the next town to sell the cow. He comes across the Baker and his wife who refused to be left alone. The Baker’s Wife talks Jack into giving them the cow in exchange for some beans. Of course the beans are magic and the next day there is a large beanstalk next to his house. He climbs up and steals three large gold coins from the giants. He finds the Baker in the woods to buy back his cow but the cow dies.

            Cinderella (Anna Kendrick) lives with her step-mother and two step-sisters. There is a festival at the palace that she desperately wants to go to. The cruel step-mother and sisters make her clean up in the hopes of possibly going and then cruelly tell her no. Cinderella decides to go to her mother’s grace under a large tree in the woods. She tells her mother she wants to go to the festival. The mother comes to her daughter and grants the wish. Cinderella is dressed in a beautiful gold dress with matching gold shoes. She dances the night away with the prince (Chris Pine). Then she takes flight like she is frightened into the woods. She gets nervous and runs away all three nights of the festival. The prince, each night, runs after the beautiful girl. Each time she runs away Cinderella crosses paths with the Baker’s Wife who desperately wants her shoes.

            Everyone gets their wishes eventually but there comes a price even for the Witch.

            The cast was fantastic. Meryl Streep is just incredible in whatever she does. She is Meryl Streep she can do anything! She actually looked gorgeous in all blue when the Witch got her beautiful looks back. Anna Kendrick was brilliant. Her Cinderella was perfect. Emily Blunt I just adore the more I watch her in movies. Her singing voice was fantastic I had no idea she could sing. She was perfect in her role because she can go from doing drama to comedy flawlessly. Johnny Depp is not in the movie very long but he was the only one who could have played the Wolf it was almost as though it was made for him to do. James Cordon as the Baker was adorable. He and Emily Blunt were paired wonderfully they worked so well. Tracy Ullman is not in the movie too long either and she was brilliant in her few scenes. Chris Pine… I have issues with him in general so I was not thrilled with his character. He did a song with another prince called “Agony” and let me tell you it was pure agony to sit through.

            Into the Woods is a type of movie that drives me crazy. It started off well and then the last like half hour just went in a totally different direction and it blew the whole thing. If you see the movie you will know exactly the scene I am talking about. Ugh, the last half hour drove me nuts! It was literally a WTF moment. So many things happened so suddenly and out of nowhere that, to me, just messed up the whole movie. I think Once Upon a Time takes this type of queue from the movie. So many times has the show done something good for one of their characters (especially the Evil Queen who I adore. They always screw with her) and then messed everything they had built for the one character, brought them down and changed them out of the blue.

            Besides the poor ending Into the Woods was not terrible. I did not even know that it was a musical so that surprised me a bit when it started. The songs were good, the acting was perfection, the sets and costumes were gorgeous, and the direction was really good. Into the Woods is worth seeing at least once because of the cast. 

Dark Shadows (2012)

“My name is Barnabas Collins. Two centuries ago, I made Collinwood my home... until a jealous witch cursed me, condemning me to the shadows, for all time.” 

            First let me get myself prepared for all the things that will come flying at me before I begin this post…… Ok I am prepared….

            I am not a huge fan of Johnny Depp….. wait, wait let me finish!!!! *darting all the items being hurled at me*. Geez, people can be so touchy!

            Let me start again… I am not a huge Johnny Depp fan but every once in a while I see a movie of his where I actually like him. I do not mind him as an actor but sometimes he just drives me nuts. I found myself really enjoying him as Barnabas Collins in his new Tim Burton feature Dark Shadows. I actually enjoyed the entire movie.

            Barnabas lived his mortal life in the late 1700s. He left Liverpool, England with his mother and father and moved to Maine where they ran a very successful fishing and boating business. As Barnabas got older he became a playboy messing around with several women. Unfortunately he had messed with the wrong woman. Angelique Bouchard (Eva Green) has worked for the family ever since she was young and has loved Barnabas all her life. He does not love her, he loves a young beautiful woman named Josette. Angelique is a witch and created a spell that made Josette walk to the edge of a cliff and kill herself. Barnabas jumped after her but Angelique turned him into a vampire so he could spend the rest of eternity suffering over his lost love. She then has the whole town of Collinsport turn against him for being a monster and they chain him and bury him.

            Two hundred years later in the 1970s the few remaining descendants of the Collins family still lives in the lavish Collinswood home that Barnabas’s father had built. The family has been hit hard throughout the years owed to Angelique who is still alive and running her own business against the Collins’s. One night a group of construction men stumble upon Barnabas’s coffin. They make the mistake of opening the coffin and they pay with their lives.

            Barnabas returns to his family home. He is greeted by Elizabeth Collins (Michelle Pfeiffer) who is the head of the family. Barnabas lets her know that he is a vampire and also the secret passage where his father’s fortune has been hidden for all the centuries. He helps to rebuild the family business and clean up the mansion. Angelique finds out Barnabas is back and still wants him more than ever.

            Things happen to piss Angelique off and she wreaks havoc on the family and Barnabas.

            The story was actually really good. I found it to be interesting with a lot of back story. the characters were so good and the actors did a fantastic job bringing these crazy people to life. Helena Bonham Carter was the whole reason I even thought of seeing it for and she did not disappoint whatsoever. She was not really in it too much but to me she stole the movie. Johnny Depp was his great. The man does have a gift for delving into his characters and really becoming them. All the praise in the world goes to Eva Green. Really the woman just made the entire movie she was so damn incredible. Green was the perfect villain. There was one scene where she smiled the most sinister smile I have ever seen; you will know exactly what I am talking about when you see the movie. The rest of the cast was alright. Michelle Pfeiffer was good in her role as the matriarch of the family trying to keep things as normal and proper as they could be. Johnny Lee Miller was a slim but it is always good to see him in something. Chloe Grace Mortez was a typical moody teenager made more so by the fact that she listened to moody 1970s music like Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd.

            I liked Dark Shadows so much I cannot wait until it comes out on Blu Ray. I enjoyed the story and the performances so much. I especially liked the theme of family Barnabas says right off the bat that family is everything and he proves it by helping his very distant relations just because they share the same blood. But I must warn you that opinions of this movie vary a lot. While I liked it my two brothers and out parents were not too thrilled with it. Reviews for it were all over the place. I say see Dark Shadows and decide for yourself, it is worth seeing at least once.  

Public Enemies



“What keeps you up nights Mr. Dillinger?”

“Coffee”

            Public Enemies is  a movie where there I felt there was so much build up to something really good but instead I was left feeling let down. The stories of John Dillinger and the 1930s era of the gangsters are very interesting but that was all left out of Public Enemies in this case. The whole story with John Dillinger was how he robbed banks. There were maybe three or four scenes of bank robberies and they were only shown for about a minute a piece if that long.

            The parts of the movie I really liked were seeing Marion Cotillard as Billie Frechette and Johnny Depp as John Dillinger together. They were so good together; they are both such good actors. You actually believe the chemistry John and Billie had. Cotillard is one of the best actresses of the last few years. I have seen her in other films, you can tell that she enjoys being an actress and cares about acting. Johnny Depp is obviously a very versatile actor. This is the kind of role I like to see him when he is serious and being a real person not some crazy pirate or whatnot. He played Dillinger with a coolness and a toughness but underneath had a deep caring for those around him.

 What was really interesting to me is how we know Dillinger was a bad guy but we wanted to see him evade the law and run away and be with Billie we did not want to see him get caught we rooted for him. It is like Norman Bates in Psycho we do not want him to be found out by the police that he killed Marion, we get nervous with him when he sinks the car and it does not go down all the way. With Public Enemies we are rooting for the bad guys we sympathize with them we want them to get away and get anxious when the police close in. I wish more movies today would play on our emotions, it can be tough on our nerves when all you want sometimes is to just enjoy a movie but I know a movie is good when I am left with some kind of emotion at the end and during it.

            I have to give much praise to Christian Bale and Billy Crudup for their roles of Melvyn Pervis and J. Edgar Hoover. Bale was excellent this is one role I where I could take him for more than five minutes. Crudup did not really have a lot of scenes but I felt he was powerful and forceful as Hoover was supposed to be.

            I loved seeing the end when Dillinger goes to see Manhattan Melodrama. I have seen Manhattan Melodrama and liked it. Well hey, if you follow this blog or look at my older post you can see I have a great love for any Myrna Loy and William Powell film. I thought it was interesting that Dillinger’s last few hours were spent seeing a gangster picture which in the movie was shown to reflect his life in some ways. I thought it was sad how Dillinger was upset about Billie getting arrested and on the screen some of Myrna Loy’s scenes were shown to reflect how he missed Billie (or maybe it was part of the myth that Dillinger was a Myrna Loy fan?). Loy absolutely hated  that MGM was using the fact that Manhattan Melodrama was the last film Dillinger saw and using it for publicity. Well there is no such thing as bad publicity and that even held true over seventy years ago.

            Public Enemies is a good movie. It is slow but the acting by, not just the main actors but the supporting cast as well makes the movie worth seeing at least once. The story was not adventurous it was dramatic which I guess added to the dullness. Sit through Public Enemies once it is worth a viewing.