Ted (2012)

“Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns AND missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine.”

            If you do not watch Family Guy or have never seen the show there is something seriously wrong with you. It is un-American to have never seen at least one episode of Family Guy. The show is so stupid yet completely genius at the same time. Seth MacFarlane, creator, writer, producer, and as well as voice actor for several of the characters in the show, wrote, directed, produced, and voiced the character in his first feature length film Ted. If you watch Family Guy you kind of know in advance what you are getting into and how unbelievable and crazy the whole movie is.

            When John (Mark Wahlberg) was little his parents gave him a stuffed bear for Christmas that he named Ted. John was a loner with not a lot of friends but Ted was his best friend. One night he wished that Ted was alive so they could play together. The next morning he awakes to find that Ted has come to life. Ted becomes a huge celebrity but never leaves his best friend.

            John and Ted grow up together and they are now living with John’s girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis). John has a job working in tourist center in Boston. The job sucks it is one I would hate my life working at and John and all the employees feel the same way about working there. Ted is a bad influence he has John smoke up before he leaves. Lori is starting to become really frustrated with Ted always being around she fells Ted brings John down and stops him from moving forward with his life. John sets Ted up with a job at a grocery store and his own apartment.

            Lori’s boss has been trying to hit on her ever since she started working there. He invites her and John to a party at his place. The guy really wants to get Lori so when John tells him not to tell her that he needs to go the guy of course tells her. Ted called John to tell him to come by his place because the actor who played Flash Gordon is there at a party he is throwing. Before John knows what hits him he realizes that he has been at Ted’s place for hours. Loris kicks John out of the apartment and John becomes pissed at Ted.

            Of course the two best friends do not stay mad long and there is some drama that brings them back together and makes Lori understand man and teddy bear are important to each other.

            There is a lot of funny lines throughout this whole movie but they are so ridiculously crude they make me blush just thinking about him. The best line comes from Patrick Warburton at the beginning when there is a talk about relationships. He says “I dated a girl for six months. Then she farted.” I love a good fart joke and this one was so hysterically especially the way he said it that I had tears in my eyes. My brother Anthony had a laughing fit and every time he thought about for the rest of the day he would just die laughing. Another line I cracked up with was when John punched this annoying kid in the face, Lori looked at him in shock and he just replied “I'm sorry, but somebody had to go all Joan Crawford on his ass!” I think I was the only one in the theater who got that joke haha.

            The performances were not bad. Mark Wahlberg can do no wrong he is so good. Mila Kunis I cannot hear her talk without thinking of Meg Griffin, it is so weird to hear her voice come from such a beautiful girl like her after hearing it come from the cartoon haha. Patrick Warburton almost steels the whole movie in his few scenes the guy is just hilarious. Patrick Stewart does the narration at the beginning and end.

            Ted is funny, crude, and ridiculous but such a good time. Every once in a while I like to sit through movies like this they are just so mindless and stupid but they are a really great time. I am making myself a big baby by admitting this to the world but I had a stuffed animal and I will not lie when I was younger I wondered what it would be like if it came alive… I actually always wondered if it came to life with my others like the toys did in Toy Story. I still have my stuffed animal and still hold it when I get tired or stressed out. The poor thing is in bad shape after twenty-four years but it looks like it has been loved which it has greatly been and is. But unlike Ted mine is not obviously alive and crude and smokes pot. Ted is a fun movie to sit through and especially fun if you watch Family Guy and appreciate that sick twisted hysterical sense of humor. 

The Happening (2008)

“Science will come up with some reason to put in the books, but in the end it'll be just a theory. I mean, we will fail to acknowledge that there are forces at work beyond our understanding. To be a scientist, you must have a respectful awe for the laws of nature.”

            Yes, I have sat through The Happening. I sat through it in theaters when it was released too. Oh, and I also own it on DVD and I bought it the day it came out. I guess it is safe assume I am the only person who really liked The Happening. My one friend is ashamed of me for even admitting that I like it. The movie has a lot of faults but I liked the story very much because like many of M. Night Shyamalan’s movies it is different. Recently it has been very windy by me and I felt inspired to sit through the movie and scare myself a little bit.

            The movie begins in Central Park on a nice day. People are out walking with friends or family. The camera pans to two women sitting on a park bench. They are talking when one of the women hears someone scream she looks up and everyone around her is still. Her friend sitting next to her takes out a stick in her hair and stabs herself. Other people around her kill themselves as well. Not far from the park a group of construction workers jump off the building they are working on. The news reports that what happened in Central Park may be the work of a terrorist attack.

            News reaches a high school in Philadelphia where Elliot Moore (Mark Wahlberg) is a science teacher. The principle calls all the teachers to the auditorium to let them know what happened in New York and that everyone is allowed to go home and be with their family. Elliot’s friend and a fellow teacher Julian tells him that his wife has family out on a farm and that he and his wife Alma (Zooey Deschanel) can come as well.

            Elliot, Alma, Julian and Julian’s daughter Jess get on a train heading out of Philadelphia. The train stops in the middle of nowhere. When Elliot asks the conductor why they stopped the conductor replies they lost contact with everyone. Philadelphia has now been hit starting in and around a park. As the passengers from the train are in a local diner they find that more incidences are happening only in the northeast up to Massachusetts. When the power goes out everyone hauls ass and runs out grabbing a ride with whoever will give them one. Julian finds a family who is going into Princeton, he wants to go because that is where his wife was and he has since lost contact with her. He leaves Jess with Elliot and Alma. The three get a ride with a man and his wife.

            Once the man and his wife get their things together and head out they are stopped when they come to a road with bodies across it. When they go to turn around by a military station one soldier is left out of the station. Elliot figures out that they need to be separated into groups so that the trees and nature will not attack them all at once. Unfortunately a group is attacked and one by one they kill themselves with the soldier’s gun.

            Now Elliot, Alma, and Jess are running for their lives. Nowhere is truly safe since nature is all around them.

            There were a lot of great scenes and shots. One shot I thought was brilliant is when Elliot and Alma are in a field and it pans to Alma’s jacket blowing in the wind against the golden yellow grass. I liked the black of her jacket against the yellow of the grass it was really nice. One scene that will always stick with me is when Elliot looks over a hill where he sees a man starting large lawn mower and the man just lays down letting the mower go right over him.

            Elliot and Alma have an interesting story. Alma was never really ready to settle down and she is just not happy in the marriage. Elliot cannot see why she is unhappy because he loves her. It is cheesy but through the whole event they come to really love each other again and the ending is all happy and mushy. There is a deleted scene that explains their relationship and why Alma is so upset. It explains a lot but it was left out for the audience see their relationship fold up and I guess to add a little mystery and let the audience make up their own ideas. The deleted scene was filmed great there were so many great angles and shots especially of Zooey Deschanel.

            Alright so the acting is not the best ever seen which is a shame because Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel are two very good actors. Sometimes the acting was almost embarrassing and Wahlberg and Deschanel are so miscast as a couple but if you can get past those The Happening is not a bad movie. I liked The Happening. I think it has a good story and an interesting concept. That is one thing I like about M. Night Shyamalan his stories are always original and different to everything that is out today. It makes you stop and think every time you see trees and grass blowing in the wind.